:( Billie Eilish's new song- everything i wanted

    Get ready to grab some cozy blankets and snuggle a bit with some hot cocoa, since there is nothing like just jamming to some depressing music while you're at it. Billie Eilish, a young star recently released a new song: everything i wanted. This song is really melancholy, and just has a nice soft and soothing melody that is just a great song to cool off on. When I first listened to this song, the first impression was just how melancholy it was, and it almost was nostalgic too. As an amateur musician myself, I also appreciated the synthetic piano keys and deep beats that were played in the background, causing a lucid and wavering effect, making the music so interesting by itself. It isn't the classical sad songs with someone just pouring and screaming out their souls, however Billie kept a hush tone, with interesting whispers incorporated with her own voice. As the song went with an amazing chorus that still hits hard even while maintain its quiet and soothing melody, I began to notice certain lyrics that stood out to me, and made me reflect back at the overall meaning of the song.
    

[Verse 1]

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you’d think
And if I’m bein’ honest
It might’ve been a nightmare
To anyone who might care



This first verse begins with dreams and nightmares that Billie has, which is important since even one of her albums are called When we fall asleep, where do we go?. This cynical and sad strange start is already compelling, indicating the incoming sadness or creepiness that could come after this verse. She mentions this nightmare, and that she did get everything she wanted, but what exactly is her nightmare?

Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the Golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)

Image result for everything i wanted


This hits hard and also coincidentally answers my question ;) . Her nightmare is basically of her committing suicide by stepping off the "golden" aka. Golden Gate Bridge. This one line here already takes a toll into a more deepening sadness and a vulnerable quality that people usually avoid talking about because of how uncomfortable and heavy this topic it is. Even in the video, there is abstract colors of dark to light, with just cubic shapes, forming an abstract picture of a bridge. This visual aspect of the video is used to help exemplify the lyrics of her dream with this abstract painting. Billie then mentions how no one notices her suicide in her dream, and this loneliness of no one caring, even the people she thought would care such as her fans, family, and friends. Through these nightmares she reveals to us her struggles with mental illness, despite her image of a child prodigy, or big celebrity.

[Pre-Chorus]
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me


[Chorus]
And you say, “As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you
Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to
If I could change the way that you see yourself
You wouldn’t wonder why you’re here, they don’t deserve you”

But don't worry, since this song becomes slightly less sad, when she mentions that she does wake up from these nightmares, and this is the part she tells about her brother. He is always there to support her no matter what she goes through, and what insecurities and struggles she faces.

[Verse 2]
I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter
Coulda been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don’t wanna let anybody know
’Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don’t wanna let ’em down

This verse is especially important, and it hits hard on the heart. Billie is showing her mental illness or internal conflict she goes through. This part of the song, she goes into more detail of her nightmare on the deep insecurities and fears she faces. She goes into more of her nightmare by saying "they called me weak/ Like I'm not just somebody's daughter" and that because she committed suicide in her nightmare, she is seen as weak by everyone who has lost sight of her as a human being or "somebody's daughter". Billie is trying to hide these vulnerabilities, including her illness and dreams, all while trying to bear the pressure of the world now that she is a superstar at the age of 17. She is afraid of letting anyone down, or not meeting up to her fan's expectations, therefore she feels like she needs to hide these fears and insecurities.
    Overall, Billie has been through tough stages in her life, and that even though she is this extremely successful celebrity at such a young age, she is still human, battling with feelings of her depression of insecurities just like many others out there. Like everyone, she still feels loneliness and isolation as shown with her dreams, and the pressure of living up to people's expectations now that she' s in the spotlight. Yet, Billie still has a sliver of hope and refuge in her "waking up" to having someone so important to her, like her brother. What is important to take out of this song, that I also think makes this song popular is the eerie and sadness that I feel that everyone in some point of their lives, are able to relate to and feel less lonely because of this music. It may seem ironic that sad music about loneliness could make us feel less lonely, but I think it could be because loneliness or sadness is a shared feeling that many others feel, and the fact that this music "gets us" makes us feel less lonely. The calming sensation of this sad song is relatable to almost all people, since life isn't really all about the ups, but is sometimes about the downs, where this song could help people feel more like they understand the world around them and the way they could deal with their shared unhappiness. A good thing to take out of it, besides the fact that everyone is human and goes through downs in life, but there is almost always someone there to love you or be there for you even when it doesn't seem like it, just like how Billie "wakes up" and is comforted by her brother's reassurance, "As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you/Don’t wanna lie here, but you can learn to/ If I could change the way that you see yourself/ You wouldn’t wonder why you’re here, they don’t deserve you”

Comments

  1. i really like how you analyzed the song. i think it’s important for someone as influential as her to raise awareness about mental health. i believe that when people can relate to her, the negative stigma around mental health begins to disappear. it’s important that people relate to her music, especially the age group that she targets.

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